things just are feeling a bit uneasy at the moment and i don't enjoy it. like that unease of losing the small bit of control you have in the world. i like my small semblance of control, it keeps me lighthearted and so easy going. without it i get panicky and over suspicious of nothing.

here's to hoping things settle a bit

..why is it that the damn deviantart goes through a makeover and then has a dumb issue with messages not deleting themselves when you hit the nice x button in a circle? honestly its not cool at all. someone read this and fix it. having no messages is wonderful and seeing the new ones that you really should read is even better.

..tonight i watched a movie "sunshine" where the sun is dying and the only way to save it is to fly into it and reignite it with a big bomb. basically creating a mini sun with a min big bang. the movie was stupendous. beautiful shots and good acting along with suspense and excellent camera work.
after the movie i was in complete awe and then i saw the moon. this thing is so bright and tonight especially although not a full moon it still is something to be marveled at.
i ran up stairs thinking we still had a telescope but forget we had donated it to a school. so i grabbed the next best thing which is some binoculars my dad has had and never really uses.
i then found myself sitting on the kitchen floor back up againest a cabinet trying to focus and stop my arms and hands from shaking. i don't know what it was but i was so excited to see the moon. i had seen it countless times but tonight it must have been because of the movie or because i was in such a good mood having seen "you" today.
the way the light was so bright and the craters scattered everywhere made me stare endlessly into this shiny little circle. i moved to another vantage point laying flat on the ground arms propped up. what an even better view. there i was, laying belly down on the floor staring into the moon.
im not much of an astronomer or a person who really likes astronomy all that much but the beauty that the stars and planets along with their moons have is just astounding. i was grinning from ear to ear looking at the moon. i wasn't shaking and only my heartbeat kept the view shaking at times.
i didn't see a man in the moon, however i did see several skulls and one in particular that looked like it was on fire. i found a cloaked figure with out stretched arms and a wolf howling at ironiclly the moon.
and then my thoughts drifted to something that would give the moons importance a run for it's money. there "you" were in my minds eye smiling and holding me. i had wished that i could say, " hey tiffany you have to see this. here take the binoculars and look that way." or rather i'd wish to have you on my lap and point at the moon and stars as we sat, laughed, and quietly took in the night sky.
magnificent things can be seen on this little blue planet, the moon the sun, northern lights, wonders of the world. but they can also be found and become part of you instantly..i've seen something magnificent and i have also found one thing truely dear and magnificent to me.

peter..d

..in some kind of poem format

waking to the sound of a mothers voice
i dare to disobey and close my eyes
again the sound of "wake up or else"
after it is quiet and the yelling is gone i finally rise
the water is warm and i am glad to be clean
my nose is bleeding yet there is not enough blood to drink
i cant stop sneezing
and my throat is tearing
i am crying, yet for nothing or no one
time for work
the dust is in the air
and the vaccum is hungry,
come we shall clean.
the work is done and the food is prepared
an aunt walks through the door
people gather and metal clangs with teeth and plate
evil stares, and delightful smiles
yes dinner truely is fun.
she calls,
bringing a smile and fuzzy feelings to my body.
computer keys are pressed,
cards are being dealt
time to play and talk.
our time is up and people must leave,
what to do now but plan for tonight.
8:30 time for a treat..
strawberries plentiful
laughing all around
yes im glad i came, it isnt as bad after all.
crash and boom, rain descending
a bid you farewell
a kiss in the rain marking our sad departure.
the house is chilly
the father wanted to come along, terribly sorry
i feel better now
no more stuffy
no more itchy
could it be the cleansing rain?
or the short and wonderful meeting of two + 1?
wait..
*ah chu
no the odd illness is still there but i feel better now regardless.
now i sit
typing for you
hoping your blanket is found
and hoping your anger subsides.
tonight is thunder and anime
tomorrow music, you, and yurning.

i like you so much,

and my euphoric high is kind of wearing off, must be a sign that the day is ending. i feel good o so good. thank you